A Tender Mercy

I debated whether to put this journal entry on the blog because it is really special to me, but decided that maybe if it touched someone else it would be worth it.

I had a really special experience with Hayes tonight and wanted to write down my thoughts and feelings while they are still fresh.  Today Hayes was super fussy and throwing tantrums all day.  I don’t know what his deal was? I thought the whole tantrum thing wasn’t supposed to happen until at least 18 months or so, but he would throw himself down and just scream when he didn’t get something he wanted- such as a cup or the broom.  I felt like I was being really patient but in my head I just kept thinking “Oh, my gosh, I’m actually going to have to start parenting and teaching Hayes things like discipline.”  The thought scared me and the feelings I had when Hayes was first born of inadequacy and being extremely humbled hit me all over again.  Each night when I pray for him I plead to my Heavenly Father to help me do right by my perfect little boy, and ask for his help in teaching him the things he needs to know. Tonight as Joe and I were getting Hayes in his jammies, Joe was showing him the picture of Jesus with a baby boy that my mom gave to us to have in his nursery.  Joe said, “Do you see Jesus?”  The biggest smile crept over Hayes’s face and he got so excited.  Then Hayes said, “Jesus.”  We freaked out!! Hayes’s first word was, “Jesus.”  We got him to say it 3 more times and the third time he said it he pointed to Jesus in the picture. It was the cutest thing in the world and I’m still in shock he said it! I high fived Joe and laughingly said, “Our baby’s first word was Jesus, we’re off to a good start!” Well, Joe left so I could read Hayes a book and sing him a song before bed. I decided to sing “A Child’s Prayer.” As I started singing Hayes just layed there and looked up at me and sat perfectly still as we rocked.  Anyone who knows Hayes knows he never sits still and never just lets us rock him to sleep. Oh, what a tender mercy that was.  As I looked into his eyes and sang the words “…you are his child, his love now surrounds you.”  The spirit overwhelmed me and tears filled my eyes.  I could feel my Heavenly Father’s love for me so strongly and his deep love for our little boy.  I knew in that moment I was not alone in raising my sweet Hayes and it brought so much comfort and peace of mind.  How grateful I am for a loving Heavenly Father and for the trials, the love, and the blessings that come from being a mother.